Chosen by Nancy Holder

Author:Nancy Holder [Holder, Nancy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Vampires, Fantasy, Young Adult
ISBN: 9780743478243
Goodreads: 293549
Publisher: Pocket Books
Published: 2003-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Sixteen: “Storyteller”

INT. MY ELEGANT STUDY—NIGHT

My camera pans across my elegant study—there they are, my Time-Life collections of Nietzsche, Joseph Campbell, and Tolkien—the masters! Then my Science Fiction Book Club leather-bound editions of the seminal works of Wager’s Kane and Edgar Rice Burroughs; then my backed and bagged Spiderman’s, my Batman’s, and the complete Gor saga . . .

Then my first close-up, my elegant smoking jacket and my pipe. Diana Rigg, where are you now? I don’t notice the camera at first, and then I do.

I close the book on my lap.

ME

Oh! Hello there, gentle viewers!

(closing my book)

You caught me catching up on an old

favorite. It’s wonderful to get lost in a

story, isn’t it? Adventure and heroics and

discovery, don’t they just take you away?

(puffing on my pipe except that if I cough, just

set it down on my beautiful crystal ashtray)

Come with me now, if you will, gentle

viewers. Join me on a new voyage of

the mind, a little tale I like to call, “Buffy,

A Slayer of the Vampeers.”

ME SOME MORE

It was cold last night, and the wind was crew-ell, but the Slayer had a job to do. . . .

* * *

Buffy was on patrol in a hot outfit, and the vamp that was after her was eager to turn her into his vampiric spawn, perhaps even his bride of blood. But ah ha! She tricked him, flipped over him to vault to a very tall tombstone, and pause in a handstand there, a total 10 if she were in the Slayer Olympics. And then she shot him with her custom crossbow.

Little did she realize, however, that another vam-peer lunged from the shadows, ready to spawnize her as well.

AND YET MORE ME

Ouch! My goodness! Things look bad

for the Slayer, don’t they?

* * *

And then someone was pounding on the door. Andrew, sitting (fully clothed) on the toilet set as he taped himself, jumped as Anya burst into the bathroom.

“For God’s sake, Andrew!” she cried. “You’ve been in here thirty minutes. What are you doing?”

Flustered, the young auteur of the cinema replied, “Entertaining and educating.”

“Man,” she barked. “Why can’t you just masturbate like the rest of us.”

Oh, hot, Andrew thought, using his USC Film School–quality imagination.

EXT. CEMETERY—NIGHT

Buffy was being attacked by Vampire #2, then yeaah! dust! and Andrew thrilled. He ran up to her, and enthusing, “That was great! I completely got you dusting that guy on film. Hey, why do vampires show up on video?”

Buffy scowled. “I told you I didn’t want you doing that! It’s distracting!”

And off she stomped, totally breaking his fourth wall, as he caught up beside her and said, “Okay, I’ll cut the footage together and do the intro tomorrow. ‘She was a woman in danger . . . or was she?’ ” He added, “It’s a valuable record. An important document for the ages: a Slayer in action.”

She glared at him. “A nerd in pain. Would they like that? “ ’Cause we could do that.’ ”

AND WE JUMP CUT TO . . .

Anya dragging Andrew out of the bathroom.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.